Heartbreaking

I am so lucky to live in a state that recognizes the relationship between Kent and I and provides legal protection.

Missouri State Trooper's Partner Wants Death Benefits
by Kilian Melloy
Wednesday Feb 10, 2010


A Missouri Highway Patrol corporal killed on Christmas Day as he responded to a traffic accident was reported in local press according to how the state's Highway Patrol described him: as "not married and had no children."

But behind that brief description of the man who died wearing the State Trooper's uniform there was still a life, a home, and a family. Corporal Dennis Engelhard, who was 49 when he was struck and killed last Christmas Day by an SUV that lost control in icy conditions on Interstate 44 near the city of Eureka, shared a house and 15 years of history with another man, his life partner, Kelly Glossip, 43, as well as Glossip's son by a previous marriage, for whom Engelhard was a stepparent--facts left out of Engelhard's biographical information and obituary, noted a Jan. 30 article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. The article also noted that Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon spoke of Engelhard's surviving family members as having "lost a beloved son and brother," all with no mention of a devoted life partner.

Missouri voters approved a constitutional amendment in 2004 that bars marriage for all but heterosexual couples; the state does not recognize civil unions or domestic partnerships. With marriage status denied them, the couple had no legal means of cementing their relationship. Though Glossip might receive money from the federal Justice Department, he is not eligible to receive his late partner's pension benefits, worth more than $28,000 annually. The unmarried life partner of a heterosexual would be similarly left with comparatively diminished options--but a heterosexual couple would have had the choice of getting married available to them.

For advocates of legal parity for gay and lesbian families, Glossip's situation is one more sad reminder of the inequities faced by American families headed by same-sex couples, and a heart-rending illustration of how such families are punished in places that refuse them any and all legal recognition.

"The partner, plain and simple, is out of luck," openly gay Democratic state Rep. Mike Colona told the Post-Dispatch. "I'm outraged that that's the situation, but it's the status of the law."

Engelhard's comrades in arms knew about his home life. The article said that Engelhard brought Glossip along to events attended by other troopers, and noted that Glossip was in the company of his spouse's peers as they all gathered at the hospital after the Christmas Day accident. And Engelhard's sexuality did not overshadow his excellence at the job: "I'd take 100 Dennis Engelhards," the late trooper's boss, Capt. Ronald Johnson, told the press. "He was an outstanding trooper. His lifestyle had no bearing on his career."

But Engelhard's sexuality and the gender of his life partner seems to have had a direct bearing on how his surviving family members are treated, and they see it as unjust. "I need closure and my son needs closure," Glossip told the press. "Something that's truthful, and not dishonest."

The chair of the Joint Committee on Public Employee Retirement compared Engelhard's relationship with Glossip--which is legally denied recognition--to that of an unmarried state trooper with his or her opposite-sex significant other, even though a heterosexual couple would be free under state law to marry. "I personally feel that a relationship should be between a man and a woman," Republican state Rep. Ward Franz told the press. "They still love each other and care about each other, but I don't think we can change the law for that."

GLBT family parity advocates disagree with that sentiment. PROMO, a Missouri equality group, issued a statement, declaring, "The 2004 marriage amendment didn't 'protect' anyone's marriage. It only ensured that family members who survive the tragic loss of everyday heroes like Engelhard are treated with less respect and dignity than straight couples."

Fraternal organizations have largely hesitated to step into the gap on behalf of Glossip and his son, the article reported, noting that BackStoppers provided money to Engelhard's parents but not to his partner. Nor has fraternal group The MASTERS, though the group may make a final determination on the case at some point in the future.

The Missouri State Troopers Association, however, has provided $500 to Glossip--because Engelhard had signed him up for the Association's death benefit plan.

And the federal government may offer some financial help as well; the Justice Department may provide Glossip with up to $311,000, assuming Glossip can prove--despite a lack of state-level recognition--that he was the legal beneficiary of Engelhard. For the moment, it's mostly a matter of family helping family, as Engelhard's surviving relatives step in with financial assistance for Glossip and his son.

"It just hurts so bad," Glossip told the Post-Dispatch. "I am his spouse--we loved each other." Glossip told the press that the couple didn't go to neighboring Iowa for a ceremony, preferring to wed in their own state if that ever became possible. Even so, "If I was just one state north, this wouldn't be an issue," Glossip noted, adding, "I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through what I'm going through."


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